Smiling through the clouds.

                I was always told that I would laugh at a dying dog, because it don't take much to make me laugh. My older brother, Durwin said, when I was born that when he and my older sister, Katherine went to look at me through the nursery window, my mom held me up so they could get a good look at me. The first thing I did was laugh at my brother. Until this day, I've been laughing at my older brother ever since. He can just look at me I will crack up.

              I remember cracking up in church as a child looking at the outlandish hats and furs that these women would wear and my grandmother would tell me "I was sining" because I wasn't paying attention to my lesson that the preacher was preaching. I couldn't help it because it was a distraction. Imagine as a child seeing ladies wearing Big Bird on their hat and Yogie Bear around their necks you would take a look too. Yes maam!!!

           Laughter is something that cleanse the soul which brings out happiness just like "Family". As a child I can't say my childhood was messed up because all the times that was spent together was all happy times even though we didn't have a lot of money but we had each other.

         I remember how my gradmother, the late Kate Brown would come up with games for us to play and have us use our imagination. My grandmother, made my sister and I a swing out of a tire and tied it around the fig tree branch we had in our backyard. My sister and I would take turns swinging in it until one day I wanted to go up higher and higher and higher, then the rope collapsed. Yeah, I broke it!!! Well I damn near broke alot of stuff when I was little.I swear my grandmother could make a game out of anything. All my siblings and I birthday parties would be a hit because of the different creative things she would come up with to keep us all occupied. She would always say, "A tired child won't give you no trouble". 

        I think about my grandmother everyday, and wonder what she is doing up in heaven with the angels because I know she has her wings, I've always thought she was a "bible genius" because she always knew what to say at the right time. She had a scripture to share when you felt you couldn't get through anything. She knew how to fix a broken person and make them whole again. Just like me, she didn't look at anyone as a stranger. When I look up at the cloud I smile because I know she is smiling back at me through the clouds. I feel like she has never left me because she was strong. I believe strong people's presence live a long time. Granny I long for and miss you. I love you!!!

Miss.Help Somebody!!!

          The old saying goes "The early bird gets the worm" or "The first will be last and the last will be first". Yeah, I know my place but, I sometimes feel like I am in a never ending race and is always trying to prove myself in everything I choose or desire to do. I've always been a dreamer. I rememeber in elementary school I use to day dream and stare at the clock and imagine that if I was not in school I would be "living it up" in a big castle and living the life with no homework or any test to study for. Back then I was thinking creatively, because it made me happy and that was something that no one could take away or criticize me for it.
        As a child, I loved to read books that I wasn't forced to read and draw pictures because it made me happy.  Back then I didn't have a big circle of friends or even had the thought of having a big circle of them. I guess back then my whole attitude was less friends less drama...Lol!!! I was always the child that always loved helping others or as some people labeled me the "Miss know it all". I didn't care. If I knew something I was going to share it. I was always helping someone either it would be with reading or any subject that someone didn't understand because I've always thought that anyone could learn something if they would just try.
         In most cases, people believe that failure is a curse but to me I think it's something grand because it gives us an opportunity to make a change within ourselves so that we can be a better person. I've failed at so many things and beat myself up about it but tomorrow I would have a better attitude about my situation because we don't always get everything perfect on the first try. "You have to make progress in order to have success". I think that is what is wrong with a lot of us is that we put too much pressure on ourselves to please others. Sometimes we put ourselves too far out there because we are trying too hard to be recognized as being perfect. I know myself I have put myself in these situations where I've tried to always be "Miss. Help Somebody" without realizing that everyone that I've been helping has been reaching the benifits while I am being left behind collecting dust.  I know now it is my time to explore and branch out to do things that I've always wanted to do. I think art is my outlet into another world that no one can understand but me and all these other creative types of artist. Okay, All this venting is making me hungry so I will be back later. Love, peace, and happiness.

Things I think about!!!

I've always thought I was beautiful even though sometimes others thought I was ugly. Yeah, there had been times when people called me names just because I was different and didn't do what everyone else did because I was and still is my own person which I think shows real beauty. I am not a follower. I think I was put on Earth to serve a purpose and share my heart with those who need a kind word, hug, and an ear to listen to. I feel that we all have a special gift that can some how change the world and leave and impact. I always try to stay and think positive because I think sometimes we have to fall in order to stand strong. I always have the mindset of making my tomorrow better than my yesterday. I stay loyal to my family and friends by being honest because that is one of my best qualities because I never believed in being a lier because lying gets you no where and you have to always cover that last lie that you told. To me that's too much work. I've been told I am pretty bossy because I know what I want and how I want it done. I pretty much call the shots when I get a chance because only Tasha knows how organized she wants things to be even though sometimes things might not always go as planned but I've been working on rolling with the punches and accepting things for what they are. I am about to end this mental therapy right now so I can get some shut eye and start my day all over agian. I will be successful one day if I keep on trying because I have no quit in me. Peace, love, and good night.